Our guest this week is David Coggins. David is the editor of the new website, The Contender, and the author of the NY Times bestseller “Men and Style” and “Men and Manners.” His work on travel, style and design has appeared in numerous publications. He is currently working on a new book about fly fishing. He lives in New York.

David makes a compelling case for why dressing well is about the people around you instead of about yourself and we spend a long time going into what it means to care about things, be obsessive and take things seriously. Our advice seeker this week needs some help with pleasure and how to truly enjoy one's self.

The Contender
Men and Style
Men and Manners
David and his chair
David's beautiful apartment
David's parents' beautiful home
David's Twitter
David's Instagram
David's Dad's Instagram

The question this week:
Hey Man, 
I want your advice on enjoying yourself. 

I’m 40 and it’s come to my attention recently that I don’t really enjoy myself that much. Which is not to say that I don’t do things that feel good - my wife and I don’t have kids and are able to afford to go out to eat at good restaurants. If we don’t go out for meal, we’ll stay home and watch watch tv and have drink. We have a decent sex life.. Life’s not bad and all of those things are good, I just don’t really get a ton of enjoyment out of them. What I mean is: I don’t FEEL like I’m enjoying them. 

I also choose to spend plenty of leisure time doing stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily say I enjoy, like playing video games. But I do it anyway. And honestly, it wouldn’t have even occurred to me that this was a problem if I hadn’t been hearing from my wife that she can tell that I’m not enjoying myself, that it dampens her own enjoyment because she can tell I’m not into it and that as a consequence she feels less connected to me. She wants to hear from me that I’m having a good time with her and she wants it to be real, not bullshit. What do I do?

Signed, 
Numb in Nolita